Birthdays and Those Nagging Halloweens

I find myself wondering when I'll get a weekend. The two or so weeks that made up the Drama production of "Dead Man Walking" caused quite a lot of late nights and tried patience. I didn't have much time for homework or really much of anything outside of Jackson Auditorium. Through all the exhaustion was a good experience, but I'm glad for it to be over. Too bad "Rally" opens in less than a week and I probably wont have much of a life this week.

Anyway, wedged in the middle of the strenuous schedule a few weeks ago was my 19th. birthday; a fact that didn't stir up a whole lot of emotional stimulation. It's nothing new, true excitement over my approaching birthday quickly faded after about age 10. Sure, its still something to enjoy, but I discovered that I had better things to do than to emotionally writhe in anticipation. Looking back, this transformation my have had causation deeper than simple mental maturation.

Growing up in that homeschool environment that inevitably dooms all who enter to a limited social circle may have opened my eye's up to the sad truths regarding early adolescents before most others around me. My birthdays were a perfect example of this. Although I never really looked forward to the simple date of birth, for a period of 4-5 years, I highly anticipated the party that would bring all my closest friends together. So I would plan months in ahead and perfect ever aspect of the get-together, which I moved from late October to the Holiday break for the College Football National Championship game or to late January for the Super Bowl.

I hated hearing the excuses of too much school work, or not knowing in time so I made sure to give months of lead time and constantly remind my friends to run it through their parents. (a concept that never seemed to sink in) Some years were great and and really fulfilled the expectations I had for the party, but for the most part, my ego took a hit every year. Most everyone I would invite couldn't or didn't make time for one evening and for someone who doesn't attend a school everyday and has constant exposure to his peers it was a shot right to the heart. Much like the many end of school parties that haunt my memories, it was a vivid reminder that the majority of those who I thought enjoyed my company, in reality, couldn't have cared less.

My birthday parties were one of the many events that scarred my social growth and for a time caused my to give up on interaction completely. That phase didn't last long, but it's all part of my maturation in terms of interaction with others. God made us to be relational beings, but the majority of our associations are dominated by selfish cravings, which inevitably lead to heartache and bitterness. I've become accustom to it, it's just who we are as humans. I still need to remind myself often; I have the phrase "people will always fail to fulfill my expectations" on my cell phone welcome screen. I try my best to always selflessly interact with others while at the same time not throw a pity fit when others don't return the favor.

Another thing that sours my birth season is its proximity to Halloween. That's right, I'm not a fan. It's not that I hate the prevalence of "evil" like some hopped up religious nut. (although I've never quite understood the fascination) I've just never liked how commercialized it is, and that goes for most every holiday. I love spending time with friends and family during some time off, but as for the mass commercial festivities, I'd rather do without. I've never been one for dressing up, why do you think that day would be any different? I've also never understood why Halloween magically gives many "ladies" that right to dress up like, how should I say it... deviant little sluts? For some reason, we see Halloween as the day of the year to embrace "evil" as something to be celebrated, something that will forever bewilder me.

What's next? Thanksgiving and the dreaded Black Friday; yet another concept that grinds my gears. No matter, while some materialistic psychos spend hours grappling with other sleep deprived nut-jobs for inanimate objects I'll be relaxing with family and friends; giving thanks for life and its true joys.

Life Generally Gets Sucky

Wow, three weeks in and I've already killed my weekly routine, but it seems like I'm on par with everyone else. Guess everyone was as busy as me. Oh and by the way... school generally sucks right now. I try, much like Box, to get a post up on Monday each week. Which is really the start of the week, not Sunday. (If only I were God or some such thing as that) This week was the accumulation of all that is wrong with the world. (Not really I'm in the pity party mood; who wants an invitation?) It was really more of the accumulation of of a bunch a homework deadlines that make me feel warm inside, which, in turn, causes me to sweat profusely.

The first round of college applications swung around this week and I spent the majority of Monday and Tuesday throwing together forms, transcripts and essays... sigh. This in turn, thoroughly screwed up the rest of the week as I desperately tried to play catch up. One thing led to the next and I soon found myself burning both ends of the candle last Thursday night/Friday morning in a desperate attempt to leave Saturday open for relaxation with friends and a night of partying/murdering.

Of course Saturday afternoon I got word that my friend, who was quite exited about coming, had been gotten the best of by a wave of allergies and couldn't even tell me in person that he couldn't attend. Once again... sigh... I still had a speech to prep for on Monday and to say the least, I staggered into this week with quite a limp along with slight feeling of defeat.

So what? Every once and a while, life gives ya a solid roundhouse kick to the face and I'll take the liberty of saying that we usually don't like it too much. Life's tough enough in the first place, so why spend all your time worrying about the future. I learned this in my Junior year, where I was gasping for air every week with no end in sight. I was sick of it, I spent so much time trying to control everything that I accomplished nothing, which, in turn, brought on the wicked side effect of depression. I hate to say it but I told God to go suck an egg and leave me alone! I can handle my own... I can't tell you how many times I've tried to shove God out. I do it without even thinking, it's almost subconscious, as if there's a part of me that wants to glorify myself. Hey what da ya know...

I've gotten better at catching myself and crawling back to God with the look of a 5 year old with his hand stuck in the cookie jar. It's not a great feeling, but its so short lived and the after affect is what I've been missing. I still give my best effort and learn from my mistakes but I let God worry about the future. (Since he's the only one that can really do anything about it) The work is still there, but there's a joy along side it because I know it will work out regardless of my efforts. So simple, but so profound. (by the way, this weekend was great. I still got to catch a movie with a friend and attend a killer party [cheesy goodness!] and at least I wasn't stuck at home with allergies)

A Few Things I Think I Think-
>I think Monday should be considered the start of the week. None of the Sunday stuff. Everyone knows that the week starts on the dreary Monday morning and doesn't get good until that liberating Friday afternoon. The same should be said for the new year. It should start in August when all that drudgery starts. I shouldn't complain too much though, all that drudgery is hopefully getting me to college.

>I don't think I understand why TV networks start shows in the middle of seasons. Where did the OC come from? Here I go thinking that these series's are rightfully gone for good and they make a entrance from out of nowhere. Then again, why should I care. I've only seen like half an episode, which is the same for about every other series out there except the Office.

>I think its getting pretty stupid how these animated kids movies are copying each other. From my count there have been 3 ant movies, 2 mouse movies, 2 zoo animal movies, and 2 penguin movies. The stories are tweaked a bit, but its beyond a coincidence anymore. These movies are cash cows and I guess the studios don't think they need much originality. The kids will drag their parents to the theaters regardless. Cha-ching.

Sports Center-
I can remember the days when I would literally cry when the Cowboys would loose a regular season game by a late field goal. But today, something deep inside me wants it to happen. I know, I know Jake I'm the worst fan ever, but for the last 3-4 years the Boys have pretty much sucked. They have talent, but they have developed the uncanny ability to loose games they should win in the most amazing ways possible. No example could be better than last weeks loss to the Washington Redskins. (hooray for Phil and his clan; why isn't Taylor ever online by the way?) I won't dabble in the specifics, but Dallas gave away that game in so many ways. When the final kick passed through the uprights, I couldn't stop laughing; they had done it again. The best explanation for my sick little obsession is that I dislike the team; the players, the coaches, THE OWNER! There are a few guys like Julius Jones, Roy Williams and Terry Glenn that I generally like, but ever since the exodus of the big three long ago, I haven't liked the team. So some part of me always likes to see them eat it good.

As for this week I'm still not going to analyze this train wreck; Just make a blind prediction. Dallas 34 Arizona 12

The Horns finally got a good thumping out of their conference schedule. I see them doing the same against the formerly great KSU. Texas 38 Kansas State 17

Welcome back to earth Aggies. Have fun thinking you were a good team? You've had spurts of greatness but need I remind you of your incomparable coach. Good thing y'all are hosting Nebraska, a team that also has spurts of greatness amongst a wasteland of mediocrity. What the heck, the 12th mam will pull through in this one.
Texas A&M 19 Nebraska 16

(don't go bonkers just yet, you won't be winning any championships anytime soon) Speaking of Championships, guess what I stumbled upon on YouTube. Probably one of the craziest sports videos ever. Yup, it's the Aggies winning. Box and Baker can enjoy this for its sports value, but I love this video because of the insane announcer's call. This guy's a psycho and from what I can tell, he must suffer from extreme mood swings and a impeccably small vocabulary. I've never heard such a change in emotion as he crosses the goal line. It's a classic. In fact, lets just make it the vid of the week.

Video of the Week-A&M Big 12 Champs (Ohh Doctor! I've just been injected with pure sugar and it's kicking in!)


My pickoff record (9-7) If you want to mock me Jake, then make some picks of your own.

Louisville 27 Rutgers 29-Just because I want it doesn't it make it so?

Tennessee 14 Arkansas 17-I guess it's the worse of two evils.

USC 31 Oregon 32-Replay help or no, go Ducks!

Houston 13 Jacksonville 28-Can I hype Super Mario any more?

San Diego 28 Cincinnati 31-Two underachieving teams here.

St. Louis 20 Seattle 24-Yes I do believe in Seneca Wallace

Chicago 19 New York 15-This'll be a good one.

Hope your life doesn't suck too much lately -Later