Looking Back

In the last few weeks I've ventured back to this unattended creation of mine and stumbled across the various mussing of my past 3 and a half years. It's fascinating to see how things have changed, both with myself and my situation. I joined Blogger back in October of 2006 due to the constant prodding of church friends. This short-lived blogging sensation preempted the Facebook boom and was a chance to network among a small and already close youth group. As other social sites gained popularity and the strains of actually having to post something thinned the ranks of the blog faithful, I attempted to hang on. I was initially hostile to the idea of creating a blog because I knew it was a fad, but I justified the action as a way to catalog my thoughts against the backdrop of time and interact even more with high-school companions. Although interaction has become nonexistent, I'm able to take a look back at my development so to speak, and I've noticed a few things...


-I was obstinately subjective:
Granted, I would rarely post on something unless I was relatively sure of myself, but from my current perspective, I can't help but shake my head. I could chalk most of it up to the innocence of inexperience and the tendency of talking heads to spout controversy for the sake of shock value and an increased following. I'm aware that young adults tend to adopt a very relative thought process and world view and I'll admit that I've reveled in such a state for the last couple years. I don't see myself growing out of it anytime soon though. I'm always willing to change and take on the perspective of that next daisy chain of maturity; the one elders always warn you about. I've already seen the trend take shape; I'm becoming more like my dad everyday. However, I wonder if my general "understanding" for the diversity of humanity will become permanent, both with myself and my generation as a whole. Doesn't increased interaction often bread greater appreciation? I can't claim that I won't ever take a stand for or against something, but perhaps my statements won't be so impetuous.

I've gotten better at writing:
It's always been a strength of mine and I've always enjoyed stretching my creations to the limit, but some of my early work was downright childish. It's a lesson learned on constantly improving skill sets and a humbling reminder that I'll probably be reading this in twenty years with similar disdain; my apologies to myself. (What travesties have you caught already?) What's truly sad is that I usually slaved over these posts, endlessly attempting to perfect my vocabulary, sentence structure, and persuasive style. I would often triple check my spelling and grammar and blatant errors still slipped by somehow. It's rather pathetic since I rarely scan my academic work with the same ferocity. I guess that's an indication of my obsession with how I'm perceived. Hmm...

I've never required an audience:
Regardless of readership, I always seem to trudge on in penning my elongated posts. I'm not too surprised. From the very beginning, I pledged to continue this project with little regard for how those around me performed. In my childhood heyday, I could spot fads coming from a mile away and I had a bizarre ability to preempt the crash of said phenomenon and make out like a bandit. I was able to sell my decently sized pokemon card collection (all of which were given to me, I never bought a single card) for about $20, right before their value tanked. I've become accustom to the chilling vacancy of my blogosphere with the exception to the occasional spam comment and I'd be content if things stayed that way. The only thing which has prevented my posting consistency is the lack of time. Although, I'd love to construct a weekly update the speed of my writing and the prevalence of more pressing (and social) activities thwarts my steadiness. I've grown to accept my erratic nature and my promises to change that are probably a distant memory. Whatever you get here, consider it a miracle.

How jarring would it have been to know that within 4 years Jake Box and most of the youth would have left Southwest, I'd be attending a school I had previously found pathetic (and still do to an extent), I'd thoroughly enjoy the company of my family, and I'd be writing a blog from snow-drenched Washington DC? Where I wonder will I find myself in another 7 semesters? Here's hoping I'll still be around to report on the latest happenings. Until that time blog, let's catch up sooner rather than later.

Worlds Collide... I Miss the Old One...

First of all, my trip back to Austin after only one week at college was unintentional and a broken promise to myself. Yes, I am ashamed. I can't even go one week without crawling back home. In actuality, I had planned to make a quick day trip to pick up some art supplies (since Seguin apparently has no artsy fartsy store) only to find out that one of my long time friends was leaving Austin and having a final get-together during Sunday afternoon. So, my quick, drop by visit turned into an action packed nighter. I'm sure the activity level exceeded anything I would have been doing back in Seguin. (haven't quite cracked the party scene yet)

But as I was packing up on Sunday afternoon, I was struck with some familiar depression. The excitement of orientation left no room for teary-eyed goodbyes two weeks ago so this was new, and yet not new at all. (but more on that later) There was a comfort and secure familiarity with the weekend, especially at church. So much of me wants to screw this college stuff and nestle myself back into that awesome senior lifestyle.

Excuse me as I reach back into my file but you stiffs still at SW have something special. I'd love to give an elongated history lesson, but I'm trying to slim these things down. What I'm trying to say is it wasn't always like it is now. Back in the days, before even Troy and Stevie, when we met in YMCA yoga rooms, obscure portables, and Elementary School libraries. When we were without a youth group leader for months at a time and attendance was a solid 4 or 5 brave souls. I remember having previous acquaintances visit and/or dragged in by interested parents with the dear in the headlights look mixed with a "this sucks; lets go to EV-Free"mentality. I really didn't blame them. My first Backyard Bible Clubs experience had convinced me that this church and community was something special, but it was still so awkward for so long.

It was good for me; those kind of situations will either tune you out or force your individual growth. Thank God it was the latter. No more of that superficial Westlake social group that just happened to meet at a church. No, only God could cause people to stick out environments like HCBCSW in its infancy. Obviously I've seen it grow all this time, and as our community continued to grow and strengthen, the more I felt a part of God's purpose. I spent most of my years in high school searching for true friendship and church only fostered that for a fraction of that time. I miss it now; it hurts me to leave something that I've seen grow up in Christ along side me.

I've had this depressing mood-set before, I remember it well. It was just a month ago on a late Sunday night in the Dairy Queen across from the Northwest "mothership." Sean was tagging along (he seems to do that often) and we both shared a feeling of emptiness. It depresses me further that I now find the Concert of Praise to be such a let down, its not the same as it was years ago. I think a large part of that is that I've since come to the realization that the Concert of Praise marks the end of the Great Adventure. An end to the closeness I felt with friends and with Christ. An end to a clear sense of singular purpose and joy-bringing unity in Christ. We were all comrades in the spiritual war for humanity and there's no other feeling like it. I've come to cherish my summers, not as much for the time off, but for the time were we as believers can join in holy evangelism and service to ourselves and to the world.

God I miss it, and its now obvious that I'm so depressed because I'm "quiting cold turkey." I find myself asking God why I should be leaving something so good and glorifying to him? Why can't I just hang around, take a few ACC classes, and stay nestled in that cocoon of comfortable Christian culture? At this point I recognize my supreme selfishness and longing for path well traveled. I take a long breath, give a deep sigh and apologize. Forging ahead is what the Christian life is about. I'm only going to grow in environments where I am not quite comfortable and thusly reliant on God's direction. So I'm forced to look back and simply remember the good times, drop in and see you guys every once and a while, and forge ahead. Its not like I left God back in Austin.

As for you guys, make this short time you have special. Open up to others and to God, cherish those times given to you; they wont last forever. More than anything, hold onto what you came from. I don't want you to become another Plugerville; Sean can fill you in on that little explanation. Good luck to you Southwest, it was a heck of a ride.

Summer... and posting for the sake of posting

The photoshop posts have been short and sweet, but they suck up a lot of creative juices and the 10 page long homilies before that sucked up everything else. So I guess it was some prolonged downtime, or being fed up with the inactivity that has plagued our local net for months now. There was a lot to miss from those old blogging days and its something that will probably never return. Regardless, the one thing left is myself, and while no one is around anymore, its still nice to let loose some thoughts and just catch up with myself. So that's just what I'll do.

I always have to be careful with summers, because they can easily disappoint me. There's nothing like spending 2 weeks straight waking up at noon, mindlessly roaming around the house and having your eyes overstimulated by 5 hours of video games that gets you off to a great start for summer. Your two weeks down and you feel like your in the negative in terms of true entertainment levels. That's always fun... I've had about enough of those kind of summers.

I will always remember last year's opening weekend of summer; I don't think I will ever top it. It was my first year of taking duel credit ACC classes and, although I did very well, I was running on fumes as the school year ended. So as I handed in those last term papers the family packed up for a weekend trip to San Antonio's newest resort. Although those timeshares are about the biggest con-jobs in the world, they do provide some great accommodations for their presentations; no strings attached. Its a routine for us now, the parents drive us all down and sit through an hour long presentation while we enjoy whatever we can and then we say no thanks, swim in the pool for a while and take home our free toaster or whatever.

This time, we got a weekend stay and it was just what I needed to kick off the summer. Whether it was sleeping in, swimming in the many pools, splurging on ice cream, or napping in a hammock for hours in the afternoon, it was paradise.

I couldn't quite top that this year, but its not like I was disappointed. "Leave" was a great way to start this year's summer, although it wasn't exactly what I expected it to be. After busting my toe open in the first mud activity, I was rendered slightly immobile for the rest of the week, but in the end, I think it was good for me. I didn't have to worry about doing as many activities as possible and I merely enjoyed hanging around the snack bar and bringing the glorious game of scum back from Faith Franklin's banishment. It was an interesting adventure in my ultimate power over my own emotions and feelings, but that could be a whole other post. It was also good to get to know some of the guys better. We had some good conversations about the future of this youth group, but more about that later.

After getting back, we had a few weeks off before our family went travel crazy. I can't tell you guys how sweet it is to get out of the house often and do whatever. A car automatically boosts any summer to a whole other level. Me and my cousins went down to San Antonio and Fiesta Texas before me and Lydia snagged two seats for NBA Finals game 1. Oh and my Spurs won the Championship by the way; put that in your pipe and smoke it Jason. Fun fun fun...

Then there was Hawaii. I'm an old pro at this now; the 8 hour plane ride of which I've given up sleeping on, the 5 hour time zone difference, the tourist stuffed airport and both artificial and authentic Hawaii. As of now, I've been to every major island and just about all the "must-see" sights. Its really very interesting to see each of the sides of the tropical islands and I really shouldn't say tropical; that's a largely untrue stereotype. Speaking of stereotypes, the one I absolutely can't stand is the notion that everybody surfs in Hawaii. Besides the north shore of Oahu, there are a select few beaches that are even remotely surf-able. Most of the coast is made up of blackrock, man-made tide-pools, and resort created white sand coves that you can barely boogie board. So all you ignorant individuals can stop asking me if I surfed in Hawaii! Amazingly, there are other things you can do there!

For most of the trip we spent our time on the islands of Molokai and Lanai. Both of these islands are very remote and relatively untouched by tourism. Now don't go thinking that this means that these are lush untouched islands. No the natives have their paws all over them. There are some great secluded beaches and quaint towns and shops, but there isn't any hotel staff there to clean up the island so they certainly appear lived on. Otherwise, its nice to take in the true "hang loose" spirit, take it easy, and not get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the other westernized islands. We took advantage of some beaches, horseback riding, and a sweet little natural grass putt putt golf course. Otherwise, we were just taking it easy. Oh and another thing you might not know, these islands aren't covered in palm trees, rainforests and flamingos. That largely ends as you leave the resort complex. The wet sides are wet and the dry sides are dry. And those dry sides very closely resemble west Texas.


We did spend a day on Maui at the Westin. All I can say is that I like hot tubs. However, us kids were soon on a plane back to Austin for some rest before Boot Camp. Camp was great and I can just tell that my team will be awesome. More than anything, it was good to see the youth come together that week. Boot Camp does things to people and this year was no different. I've been around this youth group for a while now and I've seen times of growth and of uncertainty and I've wondered what will happen to you guys once I'm out of here. It was really good to talk to the "next generation" and pass on some advice and help set the tone for the summer. I won't talk too much about that because I'm not going to permit myself to. But I can see that this group of kids is heading in the right direction and its because enough of you know who's really doing the directing. So I'll call that an update and maybe, just maybe, I'll keep this blogging thing up.